Originally posted January 10th, 2011
In 1941, the Zuse Z3, considered the world's first working computer came into existence. Humanity has come a long way since then. Now there exists a Global Network in which people can communicate all across the world, viewing events miles away from them, such as this... Undecided Consequences: Ciber Monday. Taking place from the fabled AES Arena, every championship is on the line as fans dictate the rules of the show. Opponents have been chosen. Stipulations have been set. There is only one thing left to do.
It's time to start the show.
The show starts with a laser/pyrotechnics display. The crowd is packed to the rafters, full of fans of all ages and ethnicities. There is a group of people all wearing T. Hawk face paint and with signs that spell out his name. There also seem to be more fans wearing bear masks again. The Hyper Blizzard fan boy is conspicuous by his absence. Around the arena lie banners adorning binary and other technological items. The lasers point to the ring, wherein stands Jason East and Sir Dan Danielson the Third, both holding microphones.
East: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Undecided Consequences: Ciber Monday! Tonight you will see every championship defended in matches decided by you, the fans!
Dan: So if this show sucks, it's your fault! No refunds!
East: The show will start with the Global Championship battle royal, and after that the matches will be in your hands! We will announce the winners of the polls we held on our Global Network hub before the matches themselves! Now, Ladies and Gentlemen – Enjoy the show!
Dan and East walk back down to the commentary booth. Mike Eaton steps into the ring with a microphone to announce the battle royal participants. The participants walk out as he announces their names.
Global Network Championship Battle Royal
Eaton: Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match is an over the top battle royal, where the winner will receive a shot at the Global Network Championship at an upcoming event! Introducing the competitors, Lotus Dragon XXVII! Derrick Izendorf! Dumpy von Dumpenpuffler! Shane Brooks! Logan Halford Altus! Bio Dingo Patterson! Aestas, and lastly – Duke Nukem!
East: Thank you for joining us on the Global Network for Ciber Monday, Jason East on commentary alongside Sir Dan Danielson the Third, and what a reception for these competitors, especially Duke Nukem!
Dan: He put on a good fight last week, that's all I can say. He's got a bad attitude though. Someone needs to teach him a lesson and I hope one of my lads do it tonight. I think Brooks or Izendorf can win this.
East: The match starts and – No one is moving! They're all just pacing around the ring staring each other down!
Dan: High level mind games right here. I've never seen anything like this before.
East: If you say so Dan, and here comes what the fans came to see! Brooks and Izendorf rush in to target Altus, Bio Dingo and Aestas are duking it out with Duke Nukem and Lotus Dragon XXVII and Dumpy are all trading blows, there's too much going on here to call!
Dan: No, there isn't, you're just incompetent! Look, see – There's Lotus Dragon XXVII hitting Dumpy with some kind of bicycle kick and there's Duke giving Bio Dingo a clothesline and – Yeah, you're right.
East: Nevertheless, as Altus goes to clothesline Brooks over the top rope, he sends both of them flying out of the ring! Both men are eliminated and they're still brawling on the outside! I think they're too consumed in their personal feud to care about the match, I doubt they even know they're eliminated!
Dan: Yeah, that Halford is pretty thick. It wouldn't surprise me. He'll probably go to the back and write some lame poetry about this now too.
East: Now in the ring, Dumpy has run up to Izendorf and is trying to punch Derrick, but it's doing no good! Aestas and Bio Dingo are still stomping on Duke in the corner but here comes Lotus Dragon XXVII! Lotus Dragon runs at Dingo, but Dingo turns around and hits a throat thrust on Lotus Dragon XXVII!
Dan: Aha, that serves him right for dressing in silver like a nonce!
East: And there he goes over the top, Dingo just threw him out! Duke, Aestas, Dingo, Izendorf and Dumpy left!
Dan: Izendorf has this. I know it.
East: What do you think of Aestas so far? She's certainly a character, isn't she?
Dan: She's got this creepy as hell vibe, Jason. I'd want to stay the hell away from her, I have no idea what she's even capable of.
East: And what about the former Hardcore Champion, Dumpy? What do you think of his chances?
Dan: None, especially as – Yup! Izendorf's got him on the top rope and he's just give him a Righteous Kick. Nice one, Derry. You get him lad.
East: Down to four wrestlers now! Duke, Aestas, Dingo and Derrick! Duke is finally getting to his feet after the onslaught he felt from Aestas and Dingo earlier, and he's mad as all hell! Aestas is running at him, is that a smart idea? Shotgun blast lays Aestas out on the mat! Dingo is running now, I think he's going for that Dingo Lariat, but Duke boots the hell of Dingo! He's picking Dingo up and, well, Dingo's gone!
Dan: Note that Izendorf stayed back there. He's a smart man's wrestler. I say this every week and now it's finally paying off for the kid.
East: Izendorf, Duke and Aestas left now. Duke is taunting at Dingo on the outside and Aestas is still laid out on the mat. Izendorf is behind Duke now though and – That wasn't very sportsmanlike! He just kicked Duke in his groin area!
Dan: It's a good move. These battle royals are non disqualification.
East: But I don't think it did any damage to Duke! He's got Izendorf by the neck now, shh! What's he saying?
Dan: I believe he's informing Derry he has “Balls of Steel”. Oh dear. Wait a second!
East: Aestas is up! She's got Duke's leg now and – She's dumped both men over the top rope! Aestas wins! Aestas wins!
Eaton: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner, and new number one contender to the Global Network Championship – Aestas!
East: Wow, would you call that an upset?
Dan: I don't know, but Duke certainly is upset! Look at his face, aww. What a poor guy. He thought he had this won too. Serves him right for trying to spout one liners like some kind of action hero. I can taste the salt from here.
East: You can ta- What?
Dan: It's what the cool kids say nowadays, Jason. Get with the times.
East: Anyway, look at Aestas. I'm not sure whether she's ecstatic or whether she looks like she's ready to cry.
Dan: Probably both. This means that she'll have to face Hyper Blizzard once she retains tonight.
East: ONCE she retains? She's up against Autumn Meszaros!
Dan: Well, she's already beaten her once. She's sure to do it again.
East: Anyhow, speaking of that match, we now go backstage to our new correspondent, a lovely lady known as Ada Umlaut!
Dan: Oh, those silly Germans.
Ada: Danke, Herr East. I am now about to reveal winner of poll for Global Network Title Match! Here is winner – Special Guest Referee! And here is Special Guest Referee – Rudy Cameron!
Dan: What? What the hell?!?
Rudy Cameron walks on camera wearing a referee shirt. He seems pleased. Hyper Blizzard walks up behind him, holding her Global Network Championship.
Hyper: You? Rudy? What the hell are you doing here? This isn't kawaii.
Rudy: I came for you! I brought my box too! We can live together!
Hyper: No! I know what you do in that box! You're not being referee tonight! No!
Hyper Blizzard nails Rudy with her belt and starts to lay boots into Rudy who is rolling on the ground in a ball, crying. Hyper Blizzard rips the shirt off of Rudy who is wearing an ICS singlet underneath. Blizzard walks off with the shirt and her belt and it is almost as if Rudy can be heard muttering something about “that's the only time my girlfriend has taken my clothes off”
East: Well, welcome back folks. Those were certainly... Strange scenes backstage. What does this mean for our Global Network Championship match later tonight?
Dan: I don't know, but I know Hyper Blizzard has something up those kawaii sleeves of hers. I'm sure it will be amazing.
East: Anyhow, it's time for our second match of the night, for the Hardcore Championship – Ugg VS Blackwater! The choices for this match were were a Cage of Carnage match, a Barbed Wire Rope match and a Fans Bring the Weapons match, and the winner, with 60% of all votes is – The Fans Bring the Weapons match!
Dan: Yay. I have a weapon right here for Ugg, actually. I'm a fan, right?
East: I think you have to like the product to be classed as a fan, Dan.
Dan: But I do like the product! But only when my favourites are winning. When they're not, it's the worst company ever.
East: I hope that was irony. Now we go up to the ring to our ring announcer, Mike Eaton!
Hardcore Championship Match – Ugg © VS Blackwater – Fans Bring the Weapons Match!
Eaton: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is set for one fall and is a Fans Bring the Weapons match! The competitors can use any weapons found around ringside and fans are encouraged to hand weapons to the wrestlers in this match! Introducing first, the challenger, hailing from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 205lbs – Blackwater!
East: These fans really don't care for Blackwater, do they?
Dan: Nope. They should, he's a glorious wrestler. Look at that trenchcoat! It's flashing! How good is that?
East: Blackwater grabbing a crutch off a crowd member on the way down to the ring, and I'm not sure if that person even meant to give that to Blackwater, but I don't think he could care whether they're able to walk or not. What a jerk.
Dan: Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Eaton: And his opponent, hailing from The Land Before Time, weighing in at two and a half Pterodactyl Eggs, he is the reigning and defending Wrestle Republic 2421 Hardcore Champion, The Chaotic Caveman – Ugg!
East: Great ovation for Ugg as he walks down to the ring with his championship and his signature club! Ugg is straight in there and he's punching the hell out of Blackwater with one hand and swinging at his midsection with his club in the other as the bell rings! Blackwater drops his crutch quickly as his attempt to deflect the shots fails, and there he goes rolling out of the ring!
Dan: That's all he could do. He had nowhere to go right there. He needs to regroup.
East: He's just grabbed something off someone in the crowd as Ugg rolls to the outside, oof! Think that was a cup of soda or something he just threw in the face of Ugg! That may not do any damage, but it's certainly blinding. Blackwater capitalises quickly by rushing Ugg into the barricades, and he's got Ugg in a muay thai clutch, delivering knees to his face!
Dan: Now the brute has nowhere to go. Good.
East: I wouldn't be so sure about that! Ugg pushes Blackwater back and he goes flying, oof! Into the side of the ring! Ugg's up now, and he's getting – wait, what's this? A bear mask! He's got a bear mask from the crowd!
Dan: What in the hell is he going to do with that?
East: I'm not so sure – He's just stuck it backwards on the head of Blackwater!
Dan: No fair! He can't see!
East: That's the idea, Dan. You could say that you can't bear the idea that Ugg has the advantage, right?
Dan: That's not funny. Stop it.
East: Ugg now giving Blackwater punches to his head, still on the outside, who can't really see, although I think he just managed to catch Ugg with a palm uppercut just out of luck I think. He's ripped off the bear mask and it looks as though those shots from before have angered Blackwater as well as dizzied him. He's got Ugg up now and – Snap DDT! Snap DDT on the thin mats on the outside, and he's rolling Ugg in the ring – Title's on the line! Referee counts, 1...2...
East: Kickout from Ugg, this could have been over already!
Dan: Blackwater knew this wasn't going to be over. He was just making Ugg exert energy this early on. It'll make it easier for him to exert punishment from the brute later.
East: Speaking of Blackwater, he's rolled to the outside and he's under the ring now and – He's got a table! He's brought a table into the match! He's pushed the table into the ring and he's also grabbed something else from the crowd – I think that was a tie or something of some sort!
Dan: Aha, I know what he's doing here!
East: Blackwater is in the ring now, and he's choking the hell out of Ugg with that tie! This is brutal! Ugg is having the life drawn out of him by that seemingly innocent item of clothing!
Dan: Well, I guess this match won't be a draw. But it might be a tie. Aha.
East: Now you're trying with the puns! Stop it! Blackwater leaves Ugg crumpled on the mat, and he's picked up that table there, standing it up in the corner. I'm sure he has something in mind, although I'm not sure what exactly.
Dan: Who knows what goes through that dastardly mind of Blackwater's? He sure is what one would call an “Evil Genius”.
East: Ugg is slowly getting up behind Blackwater who is still arranging the table however – He's roaring at the crowd, waiting for Blackwater to turn around and now – Ooh! Menacing stare from Ugg! That can't be good. Blackwater runs at Ugg, but I don't think that was wise! There's the Unga Bunga David Otunga Spinebuster! Cover now from Ugg!
Dan: Please God, no!
East: 1... 2....
East: Kickout from Blackwater.
Dan: Oh, thank the LORD.
East: Ugg looks a little shocked, but I can't really tell through that massive mane of his. He's looking around for his club now I think, but Blackwater is stirring – Wait, what's that in his hand? It looks like some kind of... Is that a TAZER?
Dan: Oh my. I think it is. Aha. What a smart guy.
East: Blackwater is walking up to Ugg now, he's going to stick that tazer right in the neck of Ugg, but he's kicked Blackwater in the stomach and away from him, he does a back roll but then stands up, but it might be too late, Ugg is running across the ring – Cat Attack! Massive Spear, and both men go crashing through the table that Blackwater set up in that corner!
Dan: Why? Why? Stupid Blackwater, why did you set up that there? You imbecile!
East: Cover now, this has to be it! 1...2...
East: 3! Ugg retains his title!
Eaton: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner and STILL Wrestle Republic 2421 Hardcore Champion, The Chaotic Caveman – Ugg!
East: Ugg looks elated now. He's running around the ring screaming with his belt and his club! He must be very happy with this win!
Dan: If I didn't have a dead leg I'd walk down there and stretch his sorry behind.
East: He's in the ring now, posing and – No, what's Blackwater doing?!? He just went behind Ugg and stuck that tazer in the neck of the Hardcore Champion! What a sour grape! Ugg collapses to the floor in a heap, what a monster! How could he do this?
Dan: It's eat or be eaten. Surely the cavemen can understand that. And did you forget something, East?
East: What's that?
Dan: Ugg has another match. He has to face the winner of our Global Network Poll who I can announce is – The winner with a massive 54.55% of the votes – Lotus Dragon I! And here he comes.
East: Oh dear. This doesn't look good for Ugg.
Dan: It does. I don't really like this Lotus kid much but he'll be a better champ than Ugg. He's rolled in the ring now, the referee's ringing the bell! Aha.
East: What a lucky guy. He's pinning Ugg, who's still out. 1...2...
East: 3. We have a new Hardcore Champion. Goddamnit. This Ugg just has all the luck, doesn't he?
Eaton: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner and NEW Wrestle Republic 2421 Champion, Lotus Dragon I!
East: Lotus certainly looks happy. He's got a mic now, what's he going to say?uncharacteristically
Lotus: It's always been a fantasy of mine to win a championship in Wrestle Republic 2421. And now I have. Thank you.
East: And there he goes. Your new Hardcore Champion, Lotus Dragon. I sure hope Ugg is okay, he's being stretchered out of the ring by our medical team here, he may have some kind of permanent damage from that jolt there, I think Blackwater may have held on a little longer than is humanly safe?
Dan: Hopefully. I hope he can never wrestle again.
A video begins to play. Scenes of a beautiful Mediterranean vineyard from the past show on the screen accompanied by transitional Spanish guitar music. A moustache bearing man walks on screen, sniffing a glass of wine. He has tanned skin. He looks at the camera with calm and uncharacteristically blue eyes and begins to speak in a harsh Hispanic accent.
Viaje: Mi nombre es Sangría Viaje, y esta es mi casa. My name is Viaje Sangria, and this is my home. I come to Wrestle Republic 2421 to find myself. I'm a very interesting man, you see. I hear my father was a wrestler, a man named... Trip Marteney. I shall follow in his footsteps. Voy a ser mejor que él. Mi nombre es Sangría Viaje, y voy a ser un campeón.
Viaje begins to sip from his glass and smiles at the camera. The camera pans away to focus on the bright sun, which is setting. The video fades to black. Text appears on the screen - Viaje Sangria. Coming Soon.
Tag Team Championship Match – Real Steel © VS VR Troopers
Eaton: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is a tag team match set for one fall, and it is for the Wrestle Republic 2421 Tag Team Championships! Introducing first, the challengers, at a combined weight of 390lbs, the team of Captain Marvelous and “Space Sheriff” Ciber Sharivan - VR Troopers!
East: What a great match this will be! Ciber Sharivan making his debut tonight, and his tag team partner, as voted by you, the fans is none other than Captain Marvelous! What a great team this could turn out to be, who have dubbed themselves the VR Troopers! Do you think they can defeat Real Steel, Sir Dan?
Dan: Pff. No.
East: That's it? Care to elaborate.
Dan: No. Real Steel have their number. They're unbeatable.
Eaton: And introducing their opponents, at a combined weight of 535lbs, they are the reigning and defending Wrestle Republic 2421 Tag Team Champions, Atom and Super Destroyman – Real Steel!
East: Atom and Super Destroyman look to be confident going into this match.
Dan: Why shouldn't they be? They haven't faced a team they couldn't beat yet. They even beat Duke and T. Hawk-
East: -amidst controversy, Sir Dan. You couldn't call that a clean win.
Dan: They won. That's what counts. It doesn't matter if they used a steel chair or their steel fists. They still won.
East: The referee rings the bell and let's get the second championship bout of the night underway! One fall to a finish as Super Destroyman and Captain Marvelous start the match, but I think Super Destroyman wants the debuting Ciber in the match!
Dan: He's going to show up Ciber for the scrub he is. Just watch.
East: Captain Marvelous obliges Destroyman, and here comes Ciber Sharivan! Big ovation from the crowd as he begins to clap to get them involved. Collar and elbow tie up, and Ciber has the advantage here, wrenching the arm of Destroyman, now with an armdrag into a cross armbreaker! Ciber impressive early on, but Destroyman has his foot on the rope. Referee steps in to make Ciber break the hold.
Dan: Hm. Maybe I misjudged this Ciber kid. He may have something after all... Nah. I doubt it.
East: Destroyman about to lock up with Ciber again, oh, nevermind, he tags in Atom who I don't think was expecting the tag. He comes in nevertheless and now we have Atom and Ciber Sharivan in the ring. Atom extended a hand out to Ciber who goes to grab it, but he receives a right hand for his troubles!
Dan: I can't believe he just fell for that amateur trick. He really is a scrub.
East: Ciber didn't take that punch lightly though, he's responding with strikes of his own! Open hand palms and kicks to Atom here who's reeling into the wrong side of town! Atom in the corner of the VR Rangers, and Ciber tags Captain Marvelous back in. Ciber whips Atom to the ropes and here comes a double dropkick from the VR Rangers! Ciber rolls back to the outside as the Captain goes for a cover! 1...2...
East: Kick out! That was indeed a meaty dropkick but I think it'll take more than that to keep the Junkyard Bot down.
Dan: I think it will, I've seen this bot in sparring. He's built to be sturdy.
East: Captain Marvelous now delivering knife edge chops to the chest of Atom, what good do you think they'll do?
Dan: I'm not so sure. I think they're still programmed to hurt even Atom, unfortunately.
East: Are you positive? Atom responds to those chops with another right hand, this time to Marvelous, and that one was a real haymaker! He pulls Marvelous up to his feet and Irish whips him into the corner of his team, but doesn't give him much time to recover as he squashes him in the corner with a clothesline! Here comes Super Destroyman now who just tagged himself in!
Dan: Looks like it's Destroy Time.
East: Belly to Belly suplex sends Captain Marvelous flying into the middle of the ring, and Super Destroyman is eating it up right now, he's posing for the crowd!
Dan: Oh yeah. That was a good suplex indeed, I would too. Turn around, you dolt!
East: Super Destroyman almost made a bad mistake there as Marvelous almost made it back to Ciber for the tag, but he's been pulled into the middle of the ring again. Captain Marvelous has had his legs locked by Destroyman, and I think – Yes! It's time to go surfing! Surfboard stretch applied by Super Destroyman on Captain Marvelous now, and he's hurting! Is he going to tap?
Dan: Yes, he will! He's a coward! He's not marvelous at all, he's rather marvel – less, actually!
East: The crowd is really behind the VR Rangers though, I don't think Captain Marvelous is going to give up on his fans! Ciber is running up and down the ring apron, he's dying for this tag!
Dan: I hope he falls off, what an idiot.
East: Captain Marvelous is struggling, and he's got his arms unlocked! He's up, he's going for the tag, but no! Super Destroyman is behind him, and he's got him locked around the waist – release German suplex! Captain Marvelous is back in no man's land with nothing to show for his attempts!
Dan: This right here is why Real Steel are the Tag Team Champions. Smart tag team wrestling, dividing the ring in half. Super Destroyman is waiting for Captain Marvelous to get up now. I know what he's going for.
East: What's he going for, Sir Dan?
Dan: This! The Destroy Kick! That majestic Shining Wizard!
East: Oh dear. That caught Captain Marvelous right underneath his chin, this could be over! Cover, 1...2....
East: No! Kick out! The match continues, the match continues! The VR Rangers are still alive!
Dan: Stay down, you imbeciles! Stay down!
East: Captain Marvelous has been dragged over to the corner of Real Steel, and here comes Atom again. He has Marvelous in the corner and he's giving Marvelous punches to the head and midsection in there, and Marvelous has nowhere to go. He's in the ropes and the referee has to start the count, but Atom is still continuing! The ref has to get in there and get Atom out of the corner, but what the hell is Destroyman doing there? He's choking the life out of Marvelous while the referee is dealing with Atom!
Dan: Like I said, Tag Team Wrestling 101!
East: Atom has Captain Marvelous now, but he's fighting back! He has that glint of fighting spirit in his eye! He's making his comeback!
East: There's a distance between the two men now and – Superkick from Captain Marvelous! That superkick just laid out Atom, but both men are down! Captain Marvelous crawls over to Atom, he's slowly making his way there – He's got one arm over him! The referee starts the count, 1...2...
East: But here comes Super Destroyman! He's just broken up the count, that's not fair! The referee forces Super Destroyman out of the ring, and Captain Marvelous tags in Ciber Sharivan! Here he comes, but wait!
Dan: Aha. What idiots, they fell for it.
East: The referee didn't see the tag! He's forcing Ciber back out onto the apron, and here's Atom now – Stunner! Stunner to Captain Marvelous! Atom crawls into the cover, 1...2...
East: Massive kick out from Captain Marvelous! He's crawling over to Ciber now, he's dying for that tag, and I think Atom is going to tag in Captain Marvelous – And here we go! The roof just blew off of this building as Ciber Sharivan runs into the ring, and he's enraged!
Dan: Oh boy, here we go.
East: Ciber delivering a combo of kicks to Super Destroyman in the centre of the ring, and Ciber is so hyped right now! He can taste the victory on his lips! Here he goes – Belly to Back Sitout Facebuster! He just turned Super Destroyman inside out as he sent him flying in the air there! I believe that is called Cibertronics, as I'm being informed! He's about to go cover Super Destroyman, but in runs Atom – But here's Captain Marvelous on the top rope – Dragonrana to Atom sends him flying out of the ring!
Dan: I have to admit, that was impressive, but I'm afraid this might be it. Please, no.
East: I think it might be, as Ciber has Super Destroyman up - Ciber Crash! Massive running Ciber Crash drops Super Destroyman on his head with that piledriver like manoeuvre! Cover, 1... 2...
East: 3! VR Rangers win! New Champs! New Champs!
Dan: No! Goddamnit!
Eaton: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winners and NEW Wrestle Republic 2421 Tag Team Champions - Captain Marvelous and Ciber Sharivan – VR Rangers!
East: The fans and VR Rangers are going nuts! They're posing in the ring, look at this! Real Steel don't look too happy, I think Super Destroyman is having a few words with Atom as they go up the ramp here beside us – But that was a decisive loss right there, folks!
Dan: No it wasn't! They'll have their rematch and win those belts back. The VR Rangers are just keeping them warm.
East: We have new champs though folks! The VR Rangers are your new Tag Team Champions! What a bout! We now go backstage to the CEO of Wrestle Republic 2421, Doctor Hal Gorbachev. Doc?
The Doctor is outside the trainer's room. He has a stern look on his face and is looking quite pale himself. He coughs harshly then looks at the camera and begins to address the audience.
Hal: Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm afraid I bring grave news. Earlier on tonight, the former Hardcore Champion Ugg received a tazer attack to his neck. Unfortunately it has... effected his cerebral cortex. In other words, he has permanent brain damage. We are working with Ugg and his doctors right now to relieve him from his pain at least, but other than that... we're not sure whether he can compete again. I will keep you updated on his condition on the Global Network.
East: And Doctor, what of the special guest referee for the Global Network Championship match?
Hal: Ah, that. Well, in cases like this, the Champion is elected to pick a replacement referee, and so she has.
Hal: I'm sorry, that's just how the rules work. Now, I apologise once again, but I must leave. There is work to be done. Enjoy the rest of the show.
Dan: Oh wow. Hyper Blizzard really is a smart lady.
East: I'm afraid I may have to agree with you there Dan. I think she may have planned this all along.
Global Network Championship Match – Hyper Blizzard © VS Autumn Meszaros with a Special Guest Referee
Eaton: The following match is a special guest referee match set for one fall and it is for the Wrestle Republic 2421 Global Network Championship! The match will be held under Global Network Championship rules, where the title will be contended under a 20 minute time limit and it can change hands by disqualification or count out! Introducing first, the challenger - hailing from Kingston, Ontario Canada weighing in at 125bs – The Rose Queen, Autumn Meszaros !
East: Autumn doesn't look too happy tonight. Perhaps it's because of the way Hyper Blizzard treated Rudy Cameron?
Dan: What's wrong with treating him like that? He's a scrawny goof. He's never beat anyone of any value in his life. What the hell's he doing here anyway? I hope he got brain damage aswell.
East: That's a little harsh, Sir Dan.
Dan: I'm sorry. I just can't cope with idiots like him thinking he is even fit to be a wrestler.
East: Nevertheless, Autumn looks ready for the match, I wonder what her mindset is knowing Hyper Blizzard picked the referee, and I wonder who it is?
Eaton: And introducing her opponent - hailing from Seattle, Washington, weighing in at 120lbs – She is the reigning and defending Wrestle Republic 2421 Global Network Champion – Hyper Blizzard!
East: Blizzard now coming down to the ring, and she's asking for a mic. The crowd isn't liking this, and I'm not either.
Hyper: As you all heard earlier, the Doctor cleared it for me to pick the referee. That's cool with me. And here he is! My biggest fan! Literally!
East: Oh no.
Dan: Aha! This is great! Here he is! The Hyper Blizzard Fanboy! I wondered where he was!
East: You cannot be serious! That shirt hardly even fits him! He's got his hair dyed blue and face painted and everything! This is outrageous! Autumn Meszaros isn't impressed either, and I really don't have to wonder why. Hyper Blizzard looks pleased with herself, although she's staying at arm's distance away from the Fanboy, who calls for the bell! Is this match really underway?
Dan: It looks like it. How great is this going to be, Jason? This could be the match of the year, right?
East: The two competitors beginning this match with a collar and elbow tie up, but I think this rivalry won't let them stick to traditional wrestling for long as Autumn slaps Blizzard out of the lockup! Irish whip now from Autumn to Blizzard, and here's a springboard crossbody! Cover and – Hey, what's the referee doing?
Dan: I think he's on his mobile or something.
East: Autumn's up now, she looks mad! She's going over to the ref and arguing with him but – hey! Roll up from Blizzard! Quick count, 1..2...
East: Phew, I don't know how Autumn kicked out that quick but I'm glad she did. She has to really watch out she doesn't get rolled up again or this could be over very, very quickly.
Dan: Well, she doesn't even deserve this match anyway. It'd serve her right.
East: That's just your opinion though Dan. You saw her in the tag team match, she won!
Dan: Yeah, but that was down to Aestas. This is one on one, Blizzard has this.
East: Blizzard now on the offence, striking Autumn in the face with those stiff forearms. Autumn's between the ropes and the referee starts the five count but this has got to be the world's slowest five count I've ever seen in my life! He's only up to two!
Dan: One Mississippi, Two Mississippi. Maybe he's not doing it like that. That's how it should be done.
East: Blizzard finally backing off from Autumn now giving her some breathing room! Blizzard's taunting her now, but I don't think that was a good idea! Here comes Autumn with a headscissors, but oof! Blizzard turns it into a tilt a whirl backbreaker – There is no stopping Hyper Blizzard, is there?
Dan: No, she has Autumn's number. It doesn't matter who the referee is. It just so happens the referee is a fan of Blizzard. Hell, every referee is a fan of mine!
East: And yet you don't win all your matches.
Dan: You shut your mouth right now, East.
East: Blizzard now... what the hell is she doing? She's got a pen and I think she's signing some autographs for the referee... this is ridiculous! Can someone stop this?!? Thank God, Autumn's getting up now!
Dan: Yeah, she's ready for some more punishment! Alright!
East: I don't know about that-
Dan: Don't you mean aboot that?
East: Will you stop?!? Autumn is up and – hah! That shut up Blizzard! Big jumping knee to her face and Blizzard is finally reeling! Blizzard is on her knees, and – Big time enzuigiri from The Rose Queen! Autumn goes for the cover but Blizzard's rolled out of the ring.
Dan: Veteran move right there.
East: It might not have been so smart though as here comes Autumn! Suicide Dive – But no! Hyper Blizzard moves out of the way and Autumn goes flying into the crowd barrier! That had to hurt! Autumn is lying in a heap on the floor and Blizzard is on the floor too, sitting in disbelief at what a close call that was, that could have decided the match right there and remember, this is a Global Network Championship Match – The title could have changed on count out right there if Autumn connected with that dive! Blizzard has a hold of Autumn now and she's trying to shift the dead weight back into the ring – Autumn's got to watch herself right here, you know if Blizzard gets her back into the ring she's practically lost due to that fast counting.
Dan: It's not a fast count, East. You're just used to the usual slow counting of our referees here. They should all be like Hyper Blizzard's Biggest Fan here!
East: Does he have a name, anyway?
Dan: No idea. Why don't you go and ask him after the match?
East: I think it'll be a bit redundant then. Anyway, Blizzard's got Autumn in the ring finally, she's crouching to go into the pin now and – Autumn's grabbed Blizzard's arm! She's got the arm locked in an armbar! Blizzard's trying to crawl away, but Autumn has further locked that hold in, and I think she's – Yes! She's transitioned to a crossface! Blizzard is in the middle of the ring with nowhere to go! She has to tap!
Dan: No, she doesn't! She's going to get out of it!
East: Hey, wait, what's the referee doing now? He's telling Autumn to break the hold?!?
Dan: That's a blatant choke hold East, that's why.
East: But she clearly had her hands across Blizzard's face!
Dan: Her face is too kawaii to be stretched. He's doing a good thing.
East: Autumn is really upset at the referee now. She's arguing with him again, but he's threatening her with a DQ, can someone stop these shenanigans already?!?
Dan: Blizzard's up. This is over.
East: Blizzard's bouncing off the ropes now, she's going for the Shining Blizzard but Autumn ducks – And she's just knocked out the referee! She's knocked out her fanboy! Blizzard looks shocked, her card up her sleeve just burst into flames!
Dan: Oh no! Get up, fanboy! This isn't nap time!
East: Blizzard turning around now, Autumn's waiting for her... Superkick! Superkick to the chin of Hyper Blizzard, but there's no-one to count the pin.... But wait? Who's that on the ramp?
Dan: No! No! For God's sake, no! Get back in the trainer's room, you ass!
East: It's Rudy Cameron, he's limping down to the ring with a referee's shirt on!
Dan: No, not this way, damnit!
East: Autumn now with the cover! 1...2...
East: 3! She did it! Autumn is the new champ! Autumn is the new champ!
Eaton: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner and NEW Wrestle Republic 2421 Global Network Champion, Autumn Meszaros!
Dan: No! You have GOT to be kidding me! This CANNOT be happening!
East: Autumn looks elated! She's celebrating with Rudy now, running around the ring with glee! She's waiting to be awarded the title but – hey! Blizzard's grabbed the title from Eaton and she's running up the ramp with it!
Dan: It's rightfully hers! She got screwed, East!
East: No, she's just a sore loser! Autumn is staring a hole through Hyper Blizzard who is posing at the top of the ramp here with the title. I don't think this feud is over. Not by a long shot. Autumn may be the new champion, but I think these two are going to meet again in the future. Now we go backstage to Ada Umlaut, who is waiting to interview the former tag team champions, Real Steel!
Ada: Danke, Herr East. I am wait for arrival of Real Steel who lose titles tonight. Here they come, Herr Atom? Herr Destroyman? May I have word?
Super Destroyman walks up to Ada and looks as if he's about to say something then shoves her and the cameraman out of the way. Real Steel walks off camera with a purpose.
East: Well, there are certainly lots of sore losers tonight amongst our former champions. But will there be another? Ladies and Gentlemen, it is almost time for your main event of the evening, the World Heavyweight Championship match between the challenger T. Hawk and the current champion, Suit Beardy. What are your thoughts going into this match, Sir Dan?
Dan: I think no matter what match type it is, it favours Beardy.
East: Why's that?
Dan: Simple. He has class. He has probably studied all of the match types and has devised a strategy to defeat T. Hawk in all of them.
East: And now I shall announce the winner of the match types as picked by you, the fans! The winner, with 38.89% of the votes – a Last Man Standing Match!
Dan: Wow. This should be good.
World Heavyweight Championship Last Man Standing Match – Suit Beardy © VS T. Hawk
East: And here we go. T. Hawk enters first, and ever since the other week, Zangief has not been accompanying T. Hawk to the ring, why is that?
Dan: I hear his health is deteriorating. As much as I don't like Zangief, I respect the man. I hope he gets better soon so I can kick his rear end in the ring. I have the best piledriver in the business.
East: T. Hawk showing his love for the fans, signing autographs at ringside and posing with the young members of our audience, who have likely travelled far and wide to see the Native American Sensation. And now here comes the champion, Suit Beardy.
Dan: The Evil Suit Wearing Mastermind is ignoring the jeers from the crowd here. And damn right too, they don't think he's their rightful champion, but he damn sure is.
East: Suit Beardy is in the ring now, he's not spending any time signing autographs or anything like that. He brushes his suit off – I think a fan managed to get a hand on him and he looks appalled.
Dan: As I would be if one of these vermin touched me. Ugh.
East: And now to our ring announcer, Mike Eaton for the formal introductions!
Eaton: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for your main event of the evening! This match, as voted by you, the Wrestle Republic 2421 fans on the Global Network is a Last Man Standing Match with no time limit and it is for the Wrestle Republic 2421 Heavyweight Championship of the World! Introducing first, the challenger - hailing from Native America, weighing in at 360lbs ...He is the Silent Giant – Thunder Hawk!
East: T. Hawk posing for the crowd and they're eating it up. He's a big favourite here.
Eaton: And his opponent, hailing from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 140lbs, he is the reigning and defending Wrestle Republic 2421 World Heavyweight Champion – The Evil Suit Wearing Mastermind, Suit Beardy!
East: The crowd is absolutely electric in here tonight, this atmosphere is like a fistful of bees!
Dan: I have to agree with you for once. I have to say, I'm excited. This is the first last man standing match in Wrestle Republic and I hope it'll deliver.
East: I'm sure it will. The referee rings the bell, here we go! No time limits! No disqualifications! No count outs! The winner and World Heavyweight Champion will be decided when his opponent fails to rise to both of his feet by the referee's ten count! Suit Beardy gives up a lot of weight against T. Hawk but he has the slight height -
Dan: -and intelligence -
East: -well, that's perceptive, but I was about to say he does have a couple of inches on T. Hawk, but I don't think it matters to Hawk, who's going in right now! He's going crazy with those chops to Beardy, who has no choice but to cover up to try and avoid this onslaught T. Hawk is giving him! This could be over quick, there's no disqualifications so the referee can't get between them, what a smart strategy from the number one contender!
Dan: Get out of there, Beardy! Kick him off! There you go! Get some distance!
East: Beardy's got the distance and is running at T. Hawk, but T. Hawk responds with a yakuza kick! Beardy is down, and here's the count from the referee!
East: Beardy's up already. He looks a little dazed.
Dan: T. Hawk should have stayed on top of him there, that's just his hubris showing. He knew he wasn't going to get the ten count so why didn't he lock in a submission or something?
East: Maybe he's just courteous, have you ever though of that?
Dan: I doubt he even knows what that word means.
East: What word? Courteous?
Dan: No, any of them! He's a dumb brute who couldn't string a sentence together to save his life!
East: Beardy now is on the offence by the looks of it, he's elbowing T. Hawk in the face who is on the ropes, and there's a clothesline over the ropes, and it didn't take long for this fight to go to the outside, did it?
Dan: You said it right there. This isn't a match. It's a fight. This is outrageous. Suit Beardy is a wrestler, he shouldn't be made to compete in-
East: Will you just stop complaining and call the damn match with me already?!?
Dan: Fine. And here comes Suit Beardy, who Irish whips T. Hawk into the steel steps! There we go, Beardy! You got him now!
East: Ugh. Suit Beardy with that painful Irish whip that sent T. Hawk flying into the steps, and I even think the colossal T. Hawk had to feel pain from that. The referee starts the count now as the Silent Giant struggles to make it to his feet.
East: And he's up! T. Hawk beating the count, and it's these early moves that really dictate the pace of matches like this. T. Hawk is leaning on the crowd barrier trying to support himself, but here comes the World Champion with a full head of steam! Beardy is going for that Speedy Trial boot, but T. Hawk moves out of the way, and Beardy's caught on the barricade! He's in a really precarious position there, that HAS to hurt! He's riding the barricade on his groin area!
Dan: That makes me wonder whether Suit Beardy has....
East: Has what?
East: Anyhow, Beardy's strung up there and T. Hawk's climbing up the steel steps – Diving clotheslines from T. Hawk! There's that Condor Dive sending both men crashing over the barricade and into the crowd! Both men are down and I think T. Hawk may have done as much damage to himself as to Beardy with that move!
Dan: What a fool. Just playing to the crowd. Literally.
East: Both the champion and challenger are lying in the crowd area now as the referee is struggling to catch up to them, but here he is! Here's the count!
East: T. Hawk is to his feet!
East: And there's the champion, Suit Beardy! The match continues! T. Hawk is chopping Beardy throughout the crowd here and they're loving it! Throat thrust from Hawk to Beardy who is reeling now as they're making their way up the steps! Beardy is waiting for Hawk now though – Oof! Rake to the eyes of T. Hawk! That isn't very sportsmanlike, but with those long fingers of Beardy I have to say it must be effective!
Dan: You're damn right it is.
East: Beardy now shoving an audience member off of their chair and he's got it held now – Wham! He just nailed T. Hawk square in the head with that shot right there, and I think he's busted open – He's bleeding like crazy from that cut but it only brough the Silent Giant to his knees.
Dan: What an idiot. Stay down! You're going to bleed out, you imbecile! Surrender! This isn't worth it!
East: Beardy now swinging for T. Hawk again who is on his knees, but he swats the chair out of Beardy's hand! Double leg takedown from T. Hawk now who is on top of Beardy on the floor, he's just got him by the head and is headbutting Beardy now – Both of them look bloodied even though I don't think Beardy is even busted open due to those headbutts!
Dan: I'm not sure if Beardy's blood even runs red. We may find out.
East: T. Hawk gets up now with a roar – He's reinvigorated! He's waiting for Beardy to get up, I think he may be going for some kind of spear – T. Hawk is running at Beardy, but Beardy shoves T. Hawk out of the way and – Oh my God! No! T. Hawk has gone flying down those stairs towards the ringside area and has hit solid concrete! This cannot be good, he may have a broken neck!
Dan: Oh my God. I have to say, that was a smart move by Beardy there. It was going to end one of their careers but I think Beardy would rather it be T. Hawk's than his own. Referee counting now.
East: T. Hawk's moving!
East: He's – He's up! No way! He's up! This can't be! T. Hawk beats the count at nine and Beardy looks as shocked as we do – That could have ended any other man's career, but no! T. Hawk isn't just any man – He's a beast! This may be why T. Hawk got up though, look who's on the ramp – It's Zangief! He's motioning to T. Hawk, who has a smile across his face whilst Beardy's contains only shock!
Dan: What's that relic doing out here? Does the old people's home know you've escaped?!?
East: Beardy now on top of T. Hawk, and they're making their way up towards the ramp now, and Zangief gets out of the way! Beardy pushes T. Hawk to the floor and he's arguing with Zangief – Is this so wise?
Dan: I wouldn't be happy if he came out during my match either, to be quite honest.
East: Beardy is in the face of Zangief, but wait – Beardy just slapped Zangief in the face! Zangief doesn't look too happy – Punch from the Russian Cyclone! Beardy turns around – T. Hawk is up and has Beardy by the throat – Chokebomb! Massive chokebomb lays Beardy out on this steel stage! Referee starts the count, this has to be over!
East: I think this is over, folks Beardy is – No! He's starting to -
Dan: Yes! Yes! Yes! He's up! He's up! He's still the champion!
East: Relax, he's not won the match yet! Zangief has walked down the ramp and out of the way as Beardy makes his way to his feet, but I think T. Hawk has other plans! He's punching Suit Beardy up against the wall of the arena here, delivering chops to his head and chest area, and I think – Yes! He's got that suit jacket and he's ripped it off Suit Beardy!
Dan: The ultimate insult. He's ruined the spiffy suit. Beardy will be angry. Very angry.
East: I think you're right. Beardy is trying to fight back and has T. Hawk in a headlock – Snap suplex! Oof! On the steel, again! I think that hurt both men however! That did as much damage to Beardy as it did to T. Hawk, and I think this may be decided on who has more will, on who just wants to win it more! That's what this match is all about – Pure determination!
Dan: No, you're wrong. It's about innovation. Intelligence, and Suit Beardy is a Mastermind. The Evil Suit Wearing Mastermind.
East: Here comes the count from the referee as both men are down – What would happen if neither beat the count?!?
Dan: Beardy would retain. Champion's advantage.
East: Here we go!
East: I think this may be over! No man is showing a sign of stirring – Wait!
East: Both men are barely up! They're using each other to support one another – This is crazy! This shows the respect each man has for each other, even if they hate each other, they have that competitor's respect, and that ladies and gentlemen, is what the World Heavyweight Championship is all about! Competition and respect! Each man is trading bombs with the other as blood pours from the head of T. Hawk still who is beginning to take the advantage, possibly due to his massive strength! And here we go – T. Hawk with a boot to the midsection of Beardy and – He's got him in a gutwrench position, lifting him up!
Dan: No! Put him down! And not like that!
East: T. Hawk has Beardy up and – What's he doing? He's walking over to the side of the stage and – Oh dear God, no! No! Don't do it Hawk! You'll kill him! T. Hawk has just delivering the Raging Typhoon to Suit Beardy off the side of the stage onto pure concrete! Suit Beardy must be completely unconscious if not dead! Get down there referee, check on him!
Dan: Goddamnit, I swear to God if something has happened to Suit Beardy, I'll never be able to forgive T. Hawk! Get this man fired!
East: Suit Beardy must still be breathing as the referee starts the count -
East: That's it! T. Hawk has won! T. Hawk has won! He is the new champion! The crowd is going crazy! Zangief is going crazy! T. Hawk is going crazy!
Eaton: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner and NEW Wrestle Republic 2421 World Heavyweight Champion, the Silent Giant, Thunder Hawk!
East: This is a dream come true for Thunder Hawk! He is the new Wrestle Republic 2421 World Heavyweight Champion and this must be the happiest moment of his life! He's clutching the championship in the ring with Zangief as confetti reigns down upon the two of them – What a night this has been! We have a new Hardcore Champion in Lotus Dragon I! We have new Tag Team Champions in the VR Rangers! We have a new Global Network Champion in Autumn Meszaros, and finally we have a new World Heavyweight Champion in T. Hawk! Ladies and Gentlemen, this has been Wrestle Republic 2421 presenting Undecided Consequences: Ciber Monday and this has been East and Danielson, wishing you a very good night – And thank you for watching!